Carl
Male | Ontario
“Over time, I sensed that something was amiss. I found myself struggling to function properly, yet I couldn't pinpoint the cause. Despite having a strong personal support network, including a loving wife, I kept my concerns bottled up. I believed that, as a strong military man, I shouldn't need to discuss my feelings with others. Admitting to having a problem was something I resisted.”
I have had a lengthy career in the Canadian Military. In 1998, I was involved in a recovery mission following the Swiss Air 111 crash. Part of my duty involved working in the morgue, sorting through human and aircraft remains. This experience left a lasting impact on me, though I didn't fully realize it until years later.
Over time, I sensed that something was amiss. I found myself struggling to function properly, yet I couldn't pinpoint the cause. Despite having a strong personal support network, including a loving wife, I kept my concerns bottled up.
I believed that, as a strong military man, I shouldn't need to discuss my feelings with others. Admitting to having a problem was something I resisted. Meanwhile, my wife and loved ones noticed my distress but didn't know how to assist me.
By 2004, these issues became too overwhelming for me to handle alone. I reached a point where I could no longer conceal my inner turmoil. Summoning courage, I walked into a military hospital and uttered, "something's wrong with me." The subsequent events are somewhat hazy in my memory. I was admitted to the hospital, diagnosed with PTSD, and underwent treatment, including medication and talk therapy. Mental health and PTSD weren't thoroughly understood within the military at that time, prompting me to participate in focus groups and research to enhance understanding of the condition.
Recently, I took proactive steps to manage my mental health after experiencing what I describe as a setback. Having dealt with similar issues in 2004, I'm now attuned to my mental well-being and recognize when I'm entering a dark place. Rather than waiting for my condition to worsen, I promptly take measures to address it.
I acknowledge the mental health support available within the military, which surpasses what's accessible to Canadian civilians. I've never encountered difficulties in swiftly accessing the assistance I require, once I decide to seek it. However, as I plan for retirement this year, I anticipate potential challenges in accessing these supports. I'm currently undergoing a gradual reduction in my mental health medications, mindful of the difficulty of securing a family doctor in Ontario. I fear spending hours in hospital ERs just to renew prescriptions. Additionally, I acknowledge the need for thorough research on mental health supports before leaving the military. Although I know my diagnosis ensures continued support through my pension, I'm uncertain about the process and location for accessing these services.
Despite struggling to discuss my mental health initially, I now advocate for openness and support. I recognize the importance of sharing experiences and aim to be an advocate for those in need of mental health support.
Disclaimer: All names featured throughout this report have been changed to protect the identity of participants. These individuals were selected at random from a group of individuals that recently completed an online blind survey about mental health, and self-identified as having a mental health diagnosis. Participants were compensated financially for sharing their stories, with a commitment from MHRC to privacy and anonymity.